Nevastă, eu ce număr port la cămaşă?

Ieri în magazin un bărbat o sună pe soţie:
- Auzi nevastă, eu ce număr port la cămaşă?

Pesemne, îi răsărise în minte gândul cu totul şi cu totul temerar să-şi cumpere el singur, cu mâna lui, o cămaşă, dar nu ştia ce număr poartă, pentru că mereu până atunci îi cumpărase soţia. Soţie care îi cumpără mereu şi pulovere, şi şosete, şi lenjerie intimă, pentru că altfel, pentru el "e bună şi-asta, ce-are?", doar ei i se pare că "te mai şi râde naibii vreun coleg dacă te descalţi la muncă şi vede că umbli cu şosetele rupte în vârfuri"! Este, cumva, de datoria ei ca soţul să fie nu numai curat, cu hainele spălate şi călcate, dar şi înnoite din când în când măcar. Lucru pe care îl duce la îndeplinire cu dragoste şi înţelegere.

Asta m-a pus tare pe gânduri, în sertarul cu "aşa sunt toţi bărbaţii", sertar în care se mai află o observaţie de altădată, tot dintr-un magazin. Un alt bărbat, de data aceasta, un pensionar, cu lista de cumpărături în mână, o sună pe soţie ca să ceară lămuriri mai clare referitoare la sortimentul de cumpărat dintr-un anumit aliment. Pe mine m-a şocat atunci constatarea că nici după atâţia ani împreună, bărbatul acela nu ştia de care zahăr (sau ulei, sau stafide, n-are importanţă) trebuie să cumpere! Deci, din care folosesc ei probabil de 40 de ani fericiţi şi iubiţi împreună!

Şi mi-am dat seama încă o dată de deznodământul dulce-amar (fără speranţă) al unei relaţii de cuplu în general: ea va şti mereu ceea ce el nu va şti niciodată!


Şi căutând eu prin vastul Internet o legitimare a spuselor mele, am dat de nişte ... chestii destul de amuzante, din care spicuiesc câteva mai jos:

Rita Rudner's "Guy Guide" - 50 facts about men.
- Men who have pierced ears are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
- Marrying a divorced man is ecologically responsible. In a world where there are more women than men, it pays to recycle.
- Men are very confident people. My husband is so confident that when he watches sports on television, he thinks that if he concentrates he can help his team. If the team is in trouble, he coaches the players from our living room, and if they're really in trouble, I have to get off the phone in case they call him.
- Men like phones with lots of buttons. It makes them feel important.
- All men look nerdy in black socks and sandals.
- Men are sensitive in strange ways. If a man has built a fire and the last log does not burn, he will take it personally.
- Men are brave enough to go to war, but they are not brave enough to get a bikini wax.
- Men don't get cellulite. God might just be a man.
- Men have an easier time buying bathing suits. Women have two types: depressing and more depressing. Men have two types: nerdy and not nerdy.
- Women take clothing much more seriously than men. I've never seen a man walk into a party and say "Oh, my God, I'm so embarrassed; get me out of here. There's another man wearing a black tuxedo."
- Most men hate to shop. That's why the men's department is usually on the first floor of a department store, two inches from the door.
- If a man prepares dinner for you and the salad contains three or more types of lettuce, he is serious.
- When four or more men get together, they talk about sports. When four or more women get together, they talk about men.
- Not one man in a beer commercial has a beer belly.
- Most women are introspective: "Am I in love? Am I emotionally and creatively fulfilled?" Most men are outrospective: "Did my team win? How's my car?"
- If a man says, "I'll call you," and he doesn't, he didn't forget...he didn't lose your number...he didn't die. He just didn't want to call you.
- Men who can eat anything they want and not gain weight should do it out of sight of women.
- Getting rid of a man without hurting his masculinity is a problem. "Get out" and "I never want to see you again" might sound like a challenge. If you want to get rid of a man, I suggest saying, "I love you...I want to marry you...I want to have your children." Sometimes they leave skid marks.
- Men accept compliments much better than women do. Example: "Mitch, you look great." Mitch: "Thanks." On the other side: "Ruth, you look great." Ruth: "I do? Must be the lighting."
- Men are self-confident because they grow up identifying with superheros. Women have bad self-images because they grow up identifying with Barbie.
- When a woman tries on clothing from her closet that feels tight, she will assume she has gained weight. When a man tries something from his closet that feels tight, he will assume the clothing has shrunk.
- Male menopause is a lot more fun than female menopause. With female menopause you gain weight and get hot flashes. Male menopause - you get to date young girls and drive motorcycles.
Men forget everything; women remember everything.
- That's why men need instant replays in sports. They've already forgotten what happened.

Aşa că astăzi, fără legătură (neapărat) cu Valentine's Day, vă doresc să vă iubiţi mult!

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